In Him I live and move and have my being

Today is a new day. This is the first post on my blog. It is something I have always wanted to do and I knew that unless I did it today I would never get round to do it. Blogging means I should be able to spare time consistently and write down my thoughts, God's thoughts and reflect on them. For me, writing has always been therapeutic and I am looking forward to writing and writing some more.

I have been looking back at my life in the past few months and so much has happened. I have suffered significant losses, hurts and disappointments, and whilst I mourn these, I also do celebrate the newness that each experience has brought into my life. 

The most significant loss was the loss of my dad on April 25, 2012 to cancer. There was never a time in my life I ever thought I would have a life without papa, and yet here I am, almost 4 months later, and he truly is not there. I think about him a lot, sometimes I cry, I weep, and there were times when there was such a deep pain in my heart, but now, memories of him are what I hold dear. The tears have stopped flowing, but God does know that I miss him. My dad was a blessing in my life, a rich blessing, and in losing him I not only lost a dad but also a friend and a confidante. I shared with him my thoughts, plans and dreams and as a daughter, I was privileged to have such a blessing of a father. He was not perfect, far from it, but he provided me with an example of who a real man is, and for this gift I will truly be grateful to God.

The most amazing thing is that with the loss of papa, God has propelled me on a new path, where I am continually learning that He is the Ultimate Father. He has continued to refresh me, open my eyes to His perspective, drawn my heart to Himself, and loved me in ways I had never experienced before. And so for me, I am on a new path, discovering my identity in Christ, leaning on Him each day, and trusting His leading in the way everlasting. With dad's loss I realized that God is the only surety I have and that it is only in Him that I live and move and have my being. 

I don't know what my thoughts will be like on my blogs. All I know is that I am willing to share my new life with others who in reading what I write will be encouraged to be reconciled to God through faith in Jesus Christ. Reconciliation remains God's life purpose for me. In pursuing this, I have had to pay a heavy price in my personal life, I have been stripped of everything, and yet like Job, today, on this new day, I can stand up and say, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." (Job 42:5-6)

If I thought I knew God before, I lied to myself. I did not know Him. It took me losing everything significant to appreciate that God is immortal, and He is not One to mock or to despise or to take for granted. It has taken me going back to the place of dust and ashes in all the spheres of my life to learn that my God is a jealous and Sovereign God to Whom all allegiance is due. It has taken me to be deeply wounded, bruised beyond human comprehension, shattered to pieces, for me to begin to see God as He truly is. And I do not consider myself to be there yet for I am made of human frailty, but on each day, I see Him as He desires to be seen. And I am therefore learning to let Him truly reign in my life, to take charge so to speak and to allow Him to be the Lord that I confess Him to be. It is with utter fear that I realize the call for me TO DIE TO SELF and that I really do not belong to myself or to anyone, except to Him, the Lord my God and my Maker. 

In my losses and disappointments, even as I regain the strength and courage to walk on this new path, I am continually reminded that in Christ I do live and move and have my being. I have no identity of my own; a fallacy I believed over the years and it has taken five years for me to learn that the only true identity I have is the Lord's.

And so my friend, as you join me on this new path, I really can't tell you where we are headed. All I know is that my hand is in my Master's hand and that I have chosen to die to self, to my dreams, passions, desires, and ambitions so that it is only IN HIM that I live and move and have my being.

Only in Him ... and no other.